


keep you off my mind

by cafedisco (702reid)



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: M/M, also rlly one sided, no happy ending :-(, sorry!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:28:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26552122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/702reid/pseuds/cafedisco
Summary: somehow michael had convinced jim to come to new york with him tonight.
Relationships: Jim Halpert/Ryan Howard
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	keep you off my mind

**Author's Note:**

> hello! yes. i wrote another ryan/jim fic. just cuz i really do be simping hard over them lately lmao. also this is super short but i feel like all my office fics turn out better if they're super short 
> 
> based on s4 ep11, night out :)
> 
> title from habits by tove lo (and it takes me back to my 2015 tumblr days god help me.....)

_of course_ , ryan thinks. _of course this is happening right now._

somehow michael had convinced jim to come to new york with him tonight. 

and somehow they ended up at the same club ryan's currently at (well - not 'somehow'; ryan has a theory that his assistant had told michael that he would be here, and now he's gonna have to find a new assistant), and ryan just _knows_ he isn't going to be able to keep it together.

because jim's standing right there, smiling with a drink in his hand, his tie slightly crooked like it always is and he looks _good_ like he always does and it's all so fucking stupid, ryan thinks. he had applied for (and taken) that position at corporate and moved to new york to get away from jim and now he just... _shows up_ like it's no big deal, like seeing him here wouldn't break ryan's heart all over again. 

_stupid_. 

_of course._

ryan wishes dwight would've come along instead, and that's not something he often wishes for. 

he says a combined total of four words to the both of them just to be polite (because apparently he cares about that, being polite. _stupid_ ), quickly introduces them to his friend troy, and then he runs to the nearest bathroom and snorts a line of coke because jim looks really good tonight and ryan _hates him._

(he doesn't, of course. but it's easier to hate him than to face the harsh realization that he'll never, ever have a chance with him.) 

* * *

maybe he's being too obvious about it. 

because running to the bathroom every few minutes to do a line off the counter isn't exactly inconspicuous, but maybe ryan doesn't care anymore. 

michael and jim look like they're lost in their own little world (and ryan ignores how his heart drops when his eyes land on jim), so maybe it doesn't matter if he's being a little too obvious about it. 

because - he's at one of new york's hottest nightclubs, for fuck's sake, and he should be happy, having the time of his goddamn life, but he isn't. hasn't been since jim and pam got together seven months ago. and it's all he can ever think about, _could_ ever think about, even now while he's out partying at one of new york's hottest clubs. 

it's _pathetic_ , is what it is, and he can't stop tapping his fingers against his leg, and he just wants to go home.

he's ready to call it a night. he's had one too many drinks and he doesn't really trust his ability to keep his mouth shut around jim anymore (because jim looks so good and it's _dumb_ ), and _god_. 

so ryan turns to troy (and michael, _and_ jim, but he tries not to look at jim), and says, "i gotta go." 

michael pouts. he pulls his eyebrows together, too, and then he's whining, "you're leaving? we just got here!" 

ryan feels sick. he's had one too many drinks and the room is starting to tilt because of it, and he's sweating through his shirt and he needs to leave before he ends up telling jim that he's _in love with him._

"yeah, i-" he heaves out a sigh and doesn't finish the rest of his sentence. he excuses himself and heads to the bathroom instead, just one last time because jim's standing right there, smiling with a glass that's now empty in his hand, his tie slightly crooked like it always is and he looks _good_ like he always does. it's all so fucking stupid. 

and when ryan comes back, his pupils too big to go unnoticed, there's jim and michael, waiting for him right outside of the bathroom. of course. 

"hey, let us give you a ride home, ry," jim says, and that's not fucking _fair_ , ryan thinks. he can't just call him _ry_ so casually like that and expect him to be okay afterwards. 

ryan shakes his head. "no." 

"no?" jim blinks, a bit taken aback. "how are you gonna get home?" 

"i'll call a cab, man. i don't know." 

yeah, he'll do that. new york's got plenty of cabs. 

"ryan," jim looks at ryan, silently pleading with him, and it's like a punch to the gut and his pupils are blown too wide for jim to not notice. ryan stays silent, bites down on his lip hard enough to make himself wince when jim places a steady hand on his shoulder. "hey, c'mon. let's get you home, okay?" 

and ryan can't argue with that and he kinda hates jim because of it. 

* * *

so ryan sits there in the back seat of jim's car and the a/c is on but he's still sweating. his heart is beating so loud he's sure michael and jim can hear it, too, and he's a little too choked up now because a sweater that definitely belongs to pam had been tossed haphazardly onto the seat beside him and it's just another gut-wrenching reminder that he'll never, ever have a chance with jim. 

(it was so much easier to pretend, and to _forget_ , when he was 120 miles away and not in the back seat of jim's car where the a/c is a little too cold and pam's sweater is right there.) 

ryan almost gives in and does another line, though somehow he's able to stop himself. 

he can wait until he gets back to his apartment, he thinks. except he doesn't get to do that because the minute he steps inside, he's stumbling into the bathroom and throwing up, leaving michael and jim to stand there awkwardly in his living room. he should've cleaned up more. 

"one of you can have the sofa and one of you can have the floor," ryan mumbles, because it's late and he's sure michael and jim are tired too, and it's the least he can do. 

(and maybe, just for one night, he doesn't want to fall asleep to an empty apartment, even if it _hurts_ to have jim here.) 

michael and jim argue over who gets the couch and ryan only half-listens as he flops down on his bed, still in his sweat-soaked clothes from earlier tonight. he tugs a hand through his damp hair, lets out a quiet sigh. 

jim ends up on the floor (because michael's worried he's gonna get stepped on in the middle of the night) and ryan can hardly look at him without tears stinging his eyes. 

"guys," ryan starts, because it's a little too quiet for him to not say anything, and because he caught all the weird looks michael and jim were shooting his way throughout the night, "i think my friend troy has a drug problem. what do i do?" 

and it's so obvious he's talking about himself. so painfully obvious, but michael and jim still, thankfully, don't call him out on it. 

"here's what you do," michael says sincerely, taking a seat on the edge of ryan's mattress. "you tell him that you're his friend, and you're gonna help him, and that everything's gonna be all right." 

ryan slowly nods.

"and then you put a wire on him... and you find out who's selling him... drugs. and then you get _that_ guy—" michael continues, way too animated for one in the morning, and ryan isn't really listening to him anymore. he lays back down, closes his eyes. 

"hey," jim whispers, and ryan opens his eyes and he immediately regrets it because jim's sitting so close to him now, _too_ close, "you can tell, um, troy - tell troy that i'm his friend, too, and if he ever needs anything, anything at all... i'm here for him." 

and then ryan just lays there, completely silent, and bites the inside of his lip to stop himself from crying. it doesn't work, and he really can't take this anymore. he drags a hand down his face and tries to steady his breathing. 

"you guys..." too shaky. he pauses. "i'm going to sleep. you can leave the light on if you want, but please stop talking, okay?"

jim gets up and turns off the lights. "goodnight, ryan." 

soon the room falls silent. even michael is quiet. 

and _of course_ , ryan thinks. 

of course he dreams of jim tonight, and for some reason it hurts more than it ever has before, and he wakes up feeling even emptier than he did last night. 

**Author's Note:**

> i promise ill stop posting in this tag. ik no one cares. last one i swear!!!


End file.
